Funny-Christmas.com

Most Christmas songs celebrate the joys of winter, snow, and cold weather that puts you in the mood to sit in front of the yule log and sing Christmas carols. So if you think Christmas is all about chilly weather, this is a funny song. (But I suspect a lot of people will relate to Kenny Chesney’s desire to be somewhere warm and toasty while Santa visits.)

All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan
Ooooh, don’t you think it’s a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
Take me to the islands
Put my feet in the sand
Rockin’ to and fro with the rhythm of the ocean
Singin’ silent night with the palm trees a blowin’

Ooooh, don’t you think it’s a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

Well if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout gettin’ me a present this year
Let me put a bug in your cute little ear
How about two tickets to a tropical show
Where we don’t have to wear these winter clothes anymore
Instead of turkey we’ll have mahi mahi grillin’
And pina colodas in the blender chillin’

All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
Take me to the islands
Put my feet in the sand
Singin’ silent night with the palm trees a blowin’

Ooooh, don’t you think it’s a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

Well everybody’s prayin’ for a Christmas so white
Come to think about it that would be alright
As long as there is sand nor snow on the ground
And everyday our skin gets a little more brown
We’ll string some lights in a coconut tree
I’ll rub some oil on you and you can rub some on me

All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
I can see us baby on the beach hand in hand
Rockin’ to and fro with the rhythm of the ocean
Baby whats you say you and me we’ll be goin’

Ooooh, I can almost feel my toes in the sand
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

And don’t worry baby we’ll celebrate plenty
I’ll buy you some shades a brand new bikini
We won’t have to worry about the holiday rush
It’ll be you and me fallen’ deeper in love

Ooooh, don’t you think it’s a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

All I want for Christmas is a real good tan

The Annoying Orange is a series of YouTube videos created created by Gagfilms. The series main character is described by Wikitubia as “n extremely dim-witted and annoying young orange known as The Annoying Orange who enjoys doing tricks and telling jokes to his friends.” He also has a VERY annoying laugh. The first Annoying Orange episode was posted in October 2009, and the fourth installment, The Annoying Orange 4: Sandy Claus came out shortly before Christmas 2009.

Even good-natured Santa Claus is annoyed by this cheeky young fruit who refuses to stop calling St. Nick “Sandy.” Check it out:

By Sam Davison

What better way to bring a smile, a giggle or a hardy laugh to your friends and loved ones than to send them funny holiday greeting cards. Humor is sometimes the greatest gift of all. As the holiday season gradually begins to creep up on us, we all tend to feel pressured by commercial advertisements and overflowing, catalog-stuffed mailboxes. The message is loud and clear-to give more means to buy more. Discounts and other incentives aside, the sheer magnitude of competing products in the marketplace can quickly drain our wallets and pocketbooks.

Sure, gifts may still be in order, but why not supplement, or substitute them with funny holiday greeting cards. With nearly 3,000 greeting card publishers nationwide to choose from, what’s the best way to quickly zero in on the perfect card? I’ve written about greeting cards before and searched far and wide for companies offering just the right cards. Many catalogs present a unique collection to browse through. Additionally, some websites are very complicated to use while others are super easy to use and images are sharp and clear, web pages load quickly, navigation around the site is simple, and check-out is a breeze. For those of us who still prefer the more tangible approach to shopping, many cards can be found in many brick-and-mortar locations such as: bookstores, coffee shops, pharmacies, food markets, houseware stores, garden centers, and gift shops.

What makes funny holiday greeting cards from certain companies so great? Imagination! For starters, you can’t go wrong with animals. Greeting card companies that love to use all kinds of animals-cats, dogs, birds, penguins, bears, etc. — as subjects for their greeting cards. For instance, I found one holiday card featuring two dogs — one wearing a Santa hat and the other one, red reindeer antlers-sitting at a table in front of a roasted turkey, licking their chops. Another card shows a penguin snatching a carrot off a snowman’s face with its beak. Can you imagine a cat building a snowman? Some crazy photographer caught it on camera!

The omniscient Santa figure also makes a great subject for funny holiday cards. An image of Santa has a way of making everyone feel like a kid again, special, and deserving. Now, imagine Santa sitting down on the job. Whoever thought the jovial, red-suited man takes late-night coffee breaks between deliveries! It’s another classic card.

The best greeting card company’s greetings are non-denominational, appropriate for friends and family of all faiths. Some examples are: “Happy Holidays,” “Enjoy the Magic of the Season,” “Peace on Earth.” and “Warmest wishes for the holidays!”

Cost is also an issue. Generally, I found that at about $13 for a box of 10 cards, individual cards cost about $1.30 each! Other greeting card companies are selling holiday cards for more than $2.50 each and they’re not nearly as nice as some of the cards that cost half as much. Treat your friends, family, and colleagues to funny holiday greeting cards and don’t forget to repeat this year’s holiday mantra… “Start early, spend less, smile more!”

Check out Palm Press’s full line of funny holiday greeting cards at their website. Order early and get all your cards sent out early this year. Less stress makes for a more enjoyable holiday season. If you order $125 of funny holiday greeting cards you’ll even get free shipping! Also, check out the Last Minute Card Kit for great gifts for college students.

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For more funny holiday greeting cards, see our selection of funny Christmas cards.

He keeps a list of “good” and “bad” children, sneaks around in the dark of night, eats a diet that appears to consist of only cookies and milk and has an unusually rosy complexion that could indicate a drinking problem. Would you want this man around your children??? If Santa lived amongst us, this card from Zazzle shows how he could end up. No wonder he hangs out at the North Pole with a bunch of reindeer and elves!

Santa Claus Arrested Christmas Card by screwballgraphics
Browse Cartoon Cards

What would happen if Santa Claus had an evil twin who decided to kidnap his brother on Christmas Eve and bring items such as mud pies and cat poop to children all over the world rather than the toys and presents they were expecting? In Dean Koontz’s world, the imposter would quickly be foiled by two little girls and Christmas would be saved.

Though Dean Koontz is best known for his bestselling horror and suspense books, this Christmas tale is pure fun for both children and adults. It’s a ryhming, rollicking look at the awful night Santa was kidnapped by his twin brother, Bob Claus, and locked in “a dismal, deep, dark, dank hole” at the North Pole. The twin then proceeds to get into mischief, such as this:

“In the front room, at one of the trees
the bad twin of Santa is on his knees,
giggling as he stuffs another gift box
with a few pairs of smelly old socks.
He snorts and he chortles with evil glee
and mutters, ‘No one will know it was me.’”

But the evil twin’s plans are foiled – and Santa Claus is saved – by two sisters who survive a pie in the face, a ray gun that shoots snow and other challenges. The story is colorfully illustrated by Phil Parks.

And if you enjoy the story of Santa’s Twin, you can follow the adventures of Santa and Bob Claus in the sequel, Robot Santa.

“Jingle Bombs” Lyrics

Dashing through the sand
With a bomb strapped to my back
I have a nasty plan
For Christmas in Iraq

I got through checkpoint A
But not through checkpoint B
That’s when I got shot in the a** by the U.S. military

It’s not funny!

Ohh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs mine blew up you see
Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me
Jingle bombs, jingle bombs your soldiers shot me dead
The only thing that I have left is this towel upon my head

I used to be a man, but every time I cough
Thanks to uncle Sam my nuts keep falling off
My bombing days are done, I need to find some work
Perhaps it would be much safer as a convenience store night clerk,
Ohh, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs I think I got screwed
Don’t laugh at me because I’m dead or I kill you