Ho, ho, ho! It’s that time of year again folks, and as we count down the days to Christmas, now is a great time to learn some funny Christmas songs. After all, ’tis the season to be jolly! Stretch your vocal chords, or stretch your fingers on the piano, and have the whole family laughing with these new, funny Christmas songs for children.

Doth Thou Know’st Ye Olde Lyrics?

The traditional carols have such beautiful melodies, but sometimes the lyrics to Christmas songs are hard to understand. After a “hither”, a “thou know’st”, and a “good league”, most adults start to lose the plot, so imagine how difficult it must be for children! To make the traditional Christmas songs more relevant for today’s kids, I decided it was time to write some new song lyrics.

So I set to work and wrote a collection of funny Christmas songs for children that preserves the original melodies of our favorite Christmas carols, but breathes completely new life into them. They’re Christmas songs like you’ve never heard them before! They’re wierd, wacky, and warped, but all in good fun! Here’s a sample:

Groove King Senseless

(To the tune of Good King Wenceslas)

Groove King senseless last looked out

On his fans all screaming.

Drove into a round-about,

Deep in his day dreaming.

Brightly shone the police light,

Though his fate was cruel.

When he stumbled out of sight,

Up went all the fu-u-el!

Turn the page and you will see

Why the news is selling

Vonda Shepherd, who is she?

What’s with all the yelling?

Says she jumped a giant fence

From a nearby mountain

For his love – it makes no sense

But she hit the fountain!

Bring me flesh, and bring me bones

Please don’t take forever.

How can I answer the phones?

‘Til she’s back together.

Here’s a left and there’s a right

Fixed with lots of good glue

Poor Groove King got such a fright

Do you think he’ll sue?

Funny Christmas songs are a great way to get everyone singing along and having a great time. The traditional Christmas carols have simple, yet powerful melodies that are so familiar to us all. But after hearing the same cryptic lyrics year after year, it’s no wonder some kids (and adults!) get bored with tradition. So why not try something new this year?

After all, holidays are a time for love and laughter, and what better way to bring families together than by sharing a joke in a Christmas song! Why not even have a go at writing your own funny words? The whole family could have a competition to see who can write the funniest lyrics. Surprise your friends and family this Christmas with some outrageous, warped, and funny Christmas songs!

Put a smile on your ‘dial’, with some funny Christmas songs that are sure to brighten up your holidays! For a chuckle, check out this cheeky site: Funny Christmas Songs For Children. Here you’ll find some great reviews of hilarious Christmas albums and MP3s available for download, plus more wacky lyrics. Start singing super silly seasonal songs so Santa won’t be the only jolly one this year!

For a funny musical interpretation of Good King Wenceslas, listen to “Groove King Wenceslas” on Audiojungle. This jazzy tune is available for download in MP3 format. Plus it’s royalty free so you can use it in any of your own projects. Explore the huge collection of Christmas tunes and themes at Audiojungle.

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12 Pains of Christmas Lyrics
The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me

Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I’m tryin’ to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean “YOUR in-laws”?!?
Five months of bills!
Ach, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN’!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She’s a witch…I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don’t even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who’s got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight…I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries Not Included
No parking!
Waaah!
Charities!
Gotta make ‘em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I’m not sendin’ them this year, that’s it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU’RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

Funny 12 Days of Christmas – Indian Style

Funny 12 Days of Christmas – 12 Guido Days of Christmas

Funny 12 Days of Christmas – JibJab Farting Elves

Funny 12 Days of Christmas – 12 Days AFTER Christmas

12 Days After Christmas Lyrics
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love,
my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love,
my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup

The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene

The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn’t lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found
The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned
My true love, my true love,
my true love gave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up the
Eight maids-a-milking
Nine ladies dancing
Ten lords-a-leaping
Eleven pipers piping
Twelve drummers drumming – well, actually I kept one of the dancing ladies -
And sent them back collect
I wrote my true love
“We are through, love!”
And I said in so many words
“Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the Birds!”

As the photo shows, you can buy car reindeer antlers (they even jingle!) to stick on your car’s roof (well, they attach to the windows) and a big red nose to stick on the front grill. With this costume, you car will be way cooler than those of the people who have those plain ol’ wreaths on their front grill!

Of course, I have no idea how well these decorations will stay on your car. Probably not nearly as well as they stay on Santa’s real reindeer. The product description says they’re easy to attach with wire, but I’ll update this post once I get mine and see how sturdy they are. But even if they just stay on for a day, you can at least amuse your coworkers or other people driving around the shopping mall looking for a place to park. For extra effect, be sure to yell an appropriate Santa-like phrase as you return to your car, such as, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Toyota! (or whatever car make you may be driving).”

Check out The Lighter Side or Amazon.com if you want to get your own car reindeer antlers.

I’ve seen Christmas hand towels, bath towels, soap dispensers and other bathroom decor, but I must have lived a sheltered life because I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen Christmas toilet paper. Check out the photo at the right if you’re also unaccustomed to such festive bathroom tissue and are dying to know what it looks like.

(Btw, this image is from JeremyInc.com, so photo credit goes to the folks there. They also sell other funny toilet tissue. Want to wipe your rear end with Osama bin Laden? Hey, they can make it happen!)

Because I’d never heard of Christmas toiler paper, I had to go searching the web to see if anyone else is selling it and, sure enough, I did find more Christmas toilet paper. Who knew such a thing existed? How in the world have I lived this long without knowing about it?

But now I’m wondering exactly how you’d use decorative toilet paper. What would you do when guests came to the house? Would you let them visit the bathroom but instruct them not to use the “good” toilet paper? Would it be like bathrooms where people hang out the “good” towels that you’re not supposed to use to dry your hands?

Jeremy’s site suggests using it as a gag gift, and that seems to be a better idea. No need to tell your guest to use the “regular” toilet paper. Perhaps the decorative kind would be perfect for the people in your life who deserve coal. After all, coal’s kinda hard to come by, but if you want to tell someone they’ve been acting like a pile of dog doo and they need to clean up their act, well, this could be the answer.

Or, if you just want to make your bathroom a little more festive for the holidays, it might make a great complement to this Christmas reindeer bathroom toilet seat. Need we say more?

If you’re not familiar with Elf Yourself (where have YOU been?), you can upload up to five images and turn them into dancing elves. The original site offered only one dance. Last year they added three more, but the quality was very poor – the images were overexposed and blurry. But I’m happy to report that this year’s additions are high quality. They’ve added two new options – Singing Elves and a hip-hop dance – and dumped the Charleston dance from last year. Here’s an example of the new Singing Elves option.

“Leroy the Redneck Reindeer” was a song on Diffie’s Mr. Christmas album, and became a minor holiday hit. The song is about Rudolph’s redneck cousin who had to lead Santa’s sleigh when the red-nosed reindeer falls too ill to work on Christmas Eve. Like Rudolph, Leroy is teased at first by the other reindeer, but in the end they come to like him, and the story has a happy ending, just like the Rudolph story. These are the lyrics.

Leroy the Redneck Reindeer Lyrics

Well, you’ve all heard the story about Rudolph and his nose.
Well, I’ll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.
Well, you may think you’ve heard it all, but you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
About that crazy Christmas that the North Pole can’t forget.

Rudolph was under the weather and had to call in sick,
So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived out in the sticks.
He said, “Santa’s really counting on me, and I hate to pass the buck.”
Leroy said, “Hey, I’m on my way,” and he jumped in his pick-up truck.

When Leroy got to the North Pole, all the reindeer snickered and laughed.
They’d never seen a deer in overalls and a John Deere tractor hat.
Well, Santa stepped in and said, Just calm down, ’cause we’ve all got a job to do.
Like it or not, Leroy’s in charge, and he’s gonna be leading you.”

And it was Leroy The Redneck Reindeer, hooked to the front of the sleigh,
Delivering toys to all the good ol’ boys and girls along the way.
He’s just a down-home party animal, two-steppin’ all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell, and made history that night.

Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.
He had them scootin’ a holf on every single roof by the light of a neon moon.
Santa wrapped his bag with the Dixie flag. He was having the time of his life.
You could hear him call, “Merry Chistmas, y’all and all of y’all a goodnight.”

And it was Leroy The Redneck Reindeer, hooked to the front of the sleigh,
Delivering toys to all the good ol’ boys and girls along the way.
He’s just a down-home party animal, two-steppin’ all across the sky.
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell and made history that night.
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell and made history that night.

I love this mug. I know a few people I’d love to give it to, as I’m sure they’re on Santa’s Naughty List, but they’re also the kind of people who probably wouldn’t have a sense of humor. They’re “bah humbug!” kind of people all year long. So it would be even better to get some of the Santa’s coal I mentioned in a previous post and stuff it in this mug and THEN give it to the people on the Naughty List. I’m sure Santa wouldn’t mind if I helped him out with the folks on the Naughty List. He’s probably a lot happier when he doesn’t have to deal with them either.

Christmas letter from lawyer’s son