Funny-Christmas.com

Sometimes people try to leave self-serving links in the comments section of a blog, and often they’re not related to the topic at all. But I have to thank Jeremy for leaving a comment with a link to his site offering – are you ready for this? – Christmas toilet paper!

I’ve seen Christmas hand towels, bath towels, soap dispensers and other bathroom decor, but I must have lived a sheltered life because I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen Christmas toilet paper. Check out the photo at the right if you’re also unaccustomed to such festive bathroom tissue and are dying to know what it looks like.

(Btw, this image is from JeremyInc.com, so photo credit goes to the folks there. They also sell other funny toilet tissue. Want to wipe your rear end with Osama bin Laden? Hey, they can make it happen!)

Because I’d never heard of Christmas toiler paper, I had to go searching the web to see if anyone else is selling it and, sure enough, I did find more Christmas toilet paper. Who knew such a thing existed? How in the world have I lived this long without knowing about it?

But now I’m wondering exactly how you’d use decorative toilet paper. What would you do when guests came to the house? Would you let them visit the bathroom but instruct them not to use the “good” toilet paper? Would it be like bathrooms where people hang out the “good” towels that you’re not supposed to use to dry your hands?

Jeremy’s site suggests using it as a gag gift, and that seems to be a better idea. No need to tell your guest to use the “regular” toilet paper. Perhaps the decorative kind would be perfect for the people in your life who deserve coal. After all, coal’s kinda hard to come by, but if you want to tell someone they’ve been acting like a pile of dog doo and they need to clean up their act, well, this could be the answer.

Or, if you just want to make your bathroom a little more festive for the holidays, it might make a great complement to this Christmas reindeer bathroom toilet seat. Need we say more?

Elf Yourself, the wildly popular site that allows you to put your own head and those of your friends and family on dancing elves, is back. Sponsored by Office Max and powered by JibJab, Elf Yourself is only available during the holidays, so enjoy it now while you can. It’s a great way to waste a few minutes of your day.

If you’re not familiar with Elf Yourself (where have YOU been?), you can upload up to five images and turn them into dancing elves. The original site offered only one dance. Last year they added three more, but the quality was very poor – the images were overexposed and blurry. But I’m happy to report that this year’s additions are high quality. They’ve added two new options – Singing Elves and a hip-hop dance – and dumped the Charleston dance from last year. Here’s an example of the new Singing Elves option.

The Magical Growing Christmas Tree isn’t particularly funny, but the video advertising it is so ridiculous it is funny. Somehow I can’t really imagine Mr. Hates Christmas being transformed from his “Bah, humbug!” personality to a Christmas lover just by the sight of a 6-inch tall magic tree that “transforms itself from a piece of cardboard into a full and bushy miniature tree in just six hours.” But, hey, if Santa can fly in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, I’ll believe this guy turns into a Christmas tree hugger in just a few hours. After all, Christmas is all about the spirit, right?

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer was released in 1995 by Sony Music and sung by Joe Diffie. Diffie is a country singer-songwriter who has had 17 Top 10 hits on the Billboard Hot Country Singles & Tracks charts.

“Leroy the Redneck Reindeer” was a song on Diffie’s Mr. Christmas album, and became a minor holiday hit. The song is about Rudolph’s redneck cousin who had to lead Santa’s sleigh when the red-nosed reindeer falls too ill to work on Christmas Eve. Like Rudolph, Leroy is teased at first by the other reindeer, but in the end they come to like him, and the story has a happy ending, just like the Rudolph story. These are the lyrics.

Leroy the Redneck Reindeer Lyrics

Well, you’ve all heard the story about Rudolph and his nose.
Well, I’ll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.
Well, you may think you’ve heard it all, but you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
About that crazy Christmas that the North Pole can’t forget.

Rudolph was under the weather and had to call in sick,
So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived out in the sticks.
He said, “Santa’s really counting on me, and I hate to pass the buck.”
Leroy said, “Hey, I’m on my way,” and he jumped in his pick-up truck.

When Leroy got to the North Pole, all the reindeer snickered and laughed.
They’d never seen a deer in overalls and a John Deere tractor hat.
Well, Santa stepped in and said, Just calm down, ’cause we’ve all got a job to do.
Like it or not, Leroy’s in charge, and he’s gonna be leading you.”

And it was Leroy The Redneck Reindeer, hooked to the front of the sleigh,
Delivering toys to all the good ol’ boys and girls along the way.
He’s just a down-home party animal, two-steppin’ all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell, and made history that night.

Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.
He had them scootin’ a holf on every single roof by the light of a neon moon.
Santa wrapped his bag with the Dixie flag. He was having the time of his life.
You could hear him call, “Merry Chistmas, y’all and all of y’all a goodnight.”

And it was Leroy The Redneck Reindeer, hooked to the front of the sleigh,
Delivering toys to all the good ol’ boys and girls along the way.
He’s just a down-home party animal, two-steppin’ all across the sky.
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell and made history that night.
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell and made history that night.