Funny-Christmas.com

Bring Backseat Driver Santa Along for the Ride

Some people decorate their cars with wreaths on the grill, and some try to transform their vehicles into flying reindeer by adding car reindeer antlers and nose. But if you really want to impress your neighbors and friends, there’s no better way than bringing Santa along for the ride.

This Santa car cling sticks to the inside of your back seat window using only static and makes it look like you’re chauffeuring Santa Claus. After all, he doesn’t want to wear out the reindeer before the big night by going from shopping mall to shopping mall to greet all those kids. So obviously he has to resort to more mundane transportation. This phony Santa sticker probably won’t fool the cops who watch for carpool violators, but it’s sure to get a few double-takes from kids as you whiz down the highway.

Iron Man Santa Claus Parody

Share When it comes to parody Christmas songs, Bob Rivers knows how to make them. His albums such as Twisted Christmas, More Twisted Christmas and Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, are annual favorites. What many people refer to as the “Iron Man Santa Claus” song is one of his tunes. Actually known as “I Am Santa Claus,” it’s a parody that is also the title of the 1993 album on which the song appears. The “Iron Man Santa Claus” parody is sung to the tune of the Black Sabbath song “Iron Man.” In the video version, a normal dad turns into Santa Claus and goes out on a late-night rock and roll adventure. Take a look.

“I Am Santa Claus” (Iron Man Santa Claus Parody) Lyrics
I am Santa Claus
Ho ho ho ho ho
Flying Through the snow
Can you hear him ho ho ho
He’s so full of cheer
only has to work one day a year
Children in their beds
Visions of sugar plums fill their heads
So many kids out there
Santa must be a billionare
Red suit, boots of black
Big sack of toys hanging off his back
How much does he weigh
How do the reindeer pull his sleigh
Nobody sees him
as he travels the world
Leaving his presents
for the good boys and girls
Ho ho ho ho ho
Sees every move you make
Better be good for goodness sake
Leave him cookies and beer
He’ll be back to your house first next year
I am Santa Claus
Ho ho ho ho ho

I Farted On Santa’s Lap Lyrics

Share Kids who still enjoy farting humor will love this song about a boy who worries that a bit of flatulence during his visit to see Santa Claus will ruin Christmas Day. But, as we all know, kids aren’t the only ones who have problems after eating beans.

These are the lyrics for the version of the song by Little Stinkers. Usher also has a version of this song that apparently replaces the fart sound in the chorus with some explicit lyrics.

I Farted on Santa’s Lap (And Now Christmas is Gonna Stink for Me) Lyrics
Mom made beans for dinner, I know I ate ‘em all
Said, “Come get your coat on, goin’ to the mall.”
Gonna visit Santa and sit upon his knee
But all that I could think about was how not to cut the cheese.

Waiting there for Santa, thought that I’d explode
The gas bubble grew bigger with every ho-ho-ho
Tried my best to hide it, thought I was doin’ swell
But when I sat down on Santa’s lap, he hollered, “What’s that smell?”

I farted on Santa’s lap
Now Christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on Santa’s lap
Now I’ll get (fart sound) under my Christmas tree.

I asked him for a baseball, I asked him for a bat
I asked him for some ice skates, but I’ll get none of that.
I asked him for a lot of things I’ll have to do without
‘Cause when I sat down on Santa’s lap, I let one slip out.

I farted on Santa’s lap
Now Christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on Santa’s lap
Now I’ll get (fart sound) under my Christmas tree.

On Christmas Eve, I snuck out of my bed without a sound
I went down to the living room just to take a look around
It was then that I saw Santa next to the Christmas tree
His arms were full of presents and they were all for me!

He put them on a pile, got up to turn around
And blew a fart with such great force, our tree almost came down!
And so I’ll always cherish that special moment when
I realize even Old Saint Nick rips one now and then!

I farted on Santa’s lap
And Christmas didn’t stink for me
I farted on Santa’s lap
And Santa let one on my Christmas tree!

Fake Thousand Dollar Bill is Better Than Coal

Santa likes to give coal when people are naughty, but if you know someone in your life who is on Santa’s Naughty List this year, this funny money might make a more appropriate gift. These fake thousand dollar bills look pretty darn convincing and will be sure to

Set of 10 Bills-One Thousand Dollar Bill-Novelty Money

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These bills are not real and are for novelty purposes only. We have received numerous requests for Funny Money that can be used for Casino Nights, Casino Style Parties or plain ol’ Poker Night. We are pleased to introduce a new Series of $100.00, $500.00 and $1000.00 Bills to be used for this purpose.

Funny Santa Postage Stamps

Share During most of the year, many of us use generic postage stamps with American flags or some other nondescript image. But during the holidays, even postage can show its Christmas spirit. The US Postal Service issues holiday stamps each year, but why settle for the same thing millions of other people will be using when you can create your own personalized USPS stamps or select some of the funny designs available online? Particularly if you’re sending a funny Christmas card, these stamps will be a great addition to the outer envelope.

Here is just a small selection of some of the funny Christmas stamps you can buy online. All of these feature Santa Claus because Santa, as we know, has a “little round belly” that shakes when he laughs “like a bowlful of jelly.” Obviously, he Santa has a good sense of humor, so he probably wouldn’t mind if we poke fun at him with these silly postage stamps featuring St. Nick in a humorous light. But you can also find funny reindeer, funny snowmen, funny Christmas sayings and a lot more. Click any postage stamp to learn more.

To see many other holiday stamp designs, visit Christmas Postage Stamps.net or learn how to create personalized USPS stamps for Christmas.

The Night Before a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday

Share Here’s another funny Night Before Christmas parody. This one is brought to you by Larry the Cable Guy, who reads a “politically correct” version of The Night Before Christmas in this video. The text of Larry’s comments and story are below.

They are now trying to politically correct-up Christmas stories so that they don’t offend nobody and that everybody everywhere can enjoy them. So this is a story that was formerly known as “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas.” but is now known as “‘Twas The Night Before a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday.”

‘Twas the night before a non-denominational winter holiday,
and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The neutral gift sacks were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that a non-specific holiday figure would be soon be there.

Children of every race, creed, and nationality were nestled snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar-free plums danced in their heads.

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter, I got out of bed to see what was the matter
(and to find out who was violating the neighborhood sound level ordinance).

But what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But an emissions-free vehicle, and eigth size-challenged reindeer.

Holiday Figure was so lively and quick. I knew in a moment it must be…Holiday Figure.

He had a broad but normal face, and an advanced- sized belly, and he laughed: “Lady of Evening! Lady of the Evening! Lady of the Evening!”

Now can you believe that?!? What in the world? You can’t even say “Ho! Ho! Ho!” anymore?! What kind of commie crap is this? I don’t care who you are! His name is Santy Claus, and he cracks deer with a horsewhip, breaks into people’s houses, drinks rum and eggnog, and looks like Uncle Jessie from “The Dukes of Hazard” End of story!

You’ll find more funny night before Christmas parodies here.

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