Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?
-Tom Armstrong

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
- Anonymous

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
- Victor Borge

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
-Anonymous

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
- Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’
- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping