Yes, Santa really does deliver coal if you’re naughty. Or, rather, he gets his assistant elves (that’s you!) to do it for him. To protect the super-secret location of Santa’s North Pole workshop, you will probably want to deliver this gift anonymously so your naughty gift recipient doesn’t try to torture the location out of you or discover who, in addition to you and Santa, knows about all the naughty things they’ve done this year.

So slip it in the mail, drop it on their porch, or slip it on their desktop when they’re not looking. If caught, simply look innocent and say you were just helping out Santa. And then remind the evil-doer they better watch out because Santa knows when they are sleeping, he knows when they’re awake, and he knows if they’ve been bad or good, so they better be good, for goodness sake.

If you’re afraid such blunt honesty might be a little too harsh for the naughty person in your life, give them a break – this time. Give them a bag of chocolate coal and warn them that next time Santa has promised it will be the real thing. But this year he’s giving them a break. He’s such a softie, don’t you think?